After even more classified documents were found at Joe Biden’s residence in Wilmington, Delaware, the president finally offered a defense for his actions. According to a statement directly from the world’s best press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, Joe Biden is defending himself against criminal accusations of mishandling documents by purporting the documents were just part of his emergency toilet paper reserve.
“Come on man, you know that the 5th wave of COVID is coming. The pandemic isn’t over. I’ve taken the necessary precautions to protect myself from the inevitable toilet paper shortage.”
Joe Biden also mentioned that he got the brilliant idea of using the classified documents as emergency toilet paper from Dr. Fauci.
Media figures and self-proclaimed security experts were quick to jump to Biden’s defense and provide context for his statements. According to twitter user @FBIGuy123, keeping the classified papers in the restroom and flushing them down the toilet “is an effective strategy to store and dispose of secret information.” Other prominent media figures claimed that it wasn’t a big deal since they already pointed out all of the potential security risks of having classified documents after the FBI raided Donald Trump’s home.
Many plumbers disagreed with Joe Biden’s statement, claiming that the classified documents could cause a clog in the pipes, which could cause sewer backups. If his pipes did back up, Joe Biden likely wouldn’t notice because the smell would be the same as the rest of Washington, D.C.
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